langue de bois = wooden language, wooden tongue, tongue of wood

= french expression denoting a rigid, ideological, vapid manner of political speech.

Political Satire from the 2008 campaign trail and around the world.

all content by DS unless noted
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April 14, 2008

Guns Removed from Charlton Heston’s Cold, Dead Hands, House

Agents from the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms (ATF) raided the Coldwater Canyon home of recently deceased actor and gun-rights advocate Charlton Heston, seizing what was described by officials as “a personal arsenal larger than that of the Canadian armed forces.”

Just after 9 am Monday morning, an ATF armored vehicle crashed through the gates of the Hestons' security fence, discharging a SWAT team that quickly encircled the residence. With the perimeter secured and all exits covered, the squad leader and several men took a battering ram to the front door, setting off the actor’s burglar alarm and summoning a squad car of confused LAPD personnel.

Neighbors and witnesses reported that they later saw ATF agents make a number of trips between Heston’s house and their vehicles, some of them transporting what appeared to be a bewildering array of armaments.

At a press conference Monday afternoon, ATF personnel displayed a cache of weapons taken from the actor’s home. On show to the press were crates of ammunition and land mines, a World War II-era bazooka, and several dozen shotguns, handguns, assault rifles, grenade launchers, and mortars. Officials noted the discovery of an M-1 Abrams tank, Apache attack helicopter, Bradley fighting vehicle, and a medium-sized howitzer in Heston’s garage. Documents taken during the raid were also said to indicate that Mr. Heston was in the latter stages of negotiating the purchase of a recently decommissioned French aircraft carrier. In concluding remarks, an ATF spokesperson displayed photographs of a shoulder-fired Stinger missile launcher also taken from the Heston residence. The official suggested that the Stinger may have come from a number of such weapons shipped to the Afghan mujahideen in the 1980’s for use against the Soviet Union. How such a piece of military hardware found its way into Mr. Heston’s possession remains unclear and is the subject of an ongoing investigation, officials said.

Heston, whose film career included starring roles in "Ben Hur," "The Ten Commandments," and "The Planet of the Apes," had in recent years been far more visible as an activist than as an actor. He was especially outspoken on issues relating to the Second Amendment, fiercely criticizing gun control efforts and serving as the president of the National Rifle Association (NRA) for an unprecedented four terms, from 1998 to 2002. He cemented his role as the country's leading champion of the right to bear arms in a memorable speech at the NRA's anual convention in 2000. Raising a flintlock rifle, also seized in Monday's raid, above his head, he proclaimed that the government would succeed in disarming him only if it was prepared to take his weapons "From [his] cold, dead hands." (NYT)

The actor died on April 6th of complications from Alzheimer’s, at home and armed to the teeth. An ATF visit to his home prior to Monday’s raid and shortly after his death revealed that the actor departed this world with two ankle holsters containing matching snub-nosed .38 revolvers, a shoulder holster holding a .45 automatic, a derringer in his pocket, and an Uzi clutched in his right hand. When asked about the purpose of this visit, officials emphasized the importance of disarming the Oscar winner before the effects of rigor mortis had fully set in.

“I own a gun and a DVD of ‘Ben Hur,’” said an ATF agent who participated in Monday’s raid. “But come on, this is ridiculous.”

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