langue de bois = wooden language, wooden tongue, tongue of wood

= french expression denoting a rigid, ideological, vapid manner of political speech.

Political Satire from the 2008 campaign trail and around the world.

all content by DS unless noted
links to corroborating news sources marked in blue

April 28, 2008

Obama Burns Former Minister at the Stake

In the apparent hope that actions will speak louder than words, Illinois Senator and Democratic Presidential hopeful Barack Obama burned the Reverend Jeremiah Wright at the stake this morning in an effort to distance himself once and for all from the controversial statements of his former minister.

The Senator’s membership in the Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago, where Wright until recently served as minister, has proven to be a political liability that the candidate cannot shed. Mr. Obama has repeatedly stated that he respects Dr. Wright but does not share the views that the Minister has espoused in sermons that many have condemned as racist and anti-American. Yet despite consistent disavowals to this effect, Senator Obama’s ties to Dr. Wright have continued to dog him on the campaign trail.

Above: Senator Barack Obama and his former
minister, Dr. Jeremiah Wright.

After initial efforts to play down his knowledge of Dr. Wright’s most inflammatory statements – including a sermon in which the Reverend called upon God to “damn” rather than “bless” the United States – Mr. Obama used his widely lauded address on race to offer his most detailed response to those calling for him to clarify his relationship to Reverend Wright.

Wright, the Senator stated on that occasion, “contains within him the contradictions – the good and the bad – of the community that he has served diligently for so many years.”

“I can no more disown him than I can disown the black community,” Mr. Obama continued. “I can no more disown him than I can disown my white grandmother – a woman who helped raise me, a woman who sacrificed again and again for me, a woman who loves me as much as she loves anything in this world, but a woman who once confessed her fear of black men who passed her by on the street, and who on more than one occasion has uttered racial or ethnic stereotypes that made me cringe.” (NPR)

This eloquent rebuttal initially seemed to have taken the wind out of the Wright story's sails, but Dr. Wright’s own continued presence in the public eye -- most recently as the keynote speaker at the NAACP’s annual Freedom Fund dinner -- has helped to keep the issue alive. The relationship between the church leader and the candidate remains a staple of what passes for informed political discussion and commentary on the Sunday morning talk shows.

Democratic rival Hillary Clinton has also stoked the controversy at times, suggesting that Senator Obama has not gone far enough in repudiating the views expressed by Dr. Wright, which she has implied amount to hate speech.

“You know, I spoke out against [racist remarks made by radio host] Don Imus, saying that hate speech was unacceptable in any setting, and I believe that,” Clinton said. “I just think you have to speak out against that. You certainly have to do that, if not explicitly, then implicitly by getting up and moving.” (PTR)

“He would not have been my pastor,” the New York Senator said of Jeremiah Wright. "You don't choose your family, but you choose what church you want to attend.” (PTR)

With no apparent end to the controversy in sight and with his campaign seeming to lose momentum in recent weeks, the Illinois Senator took decisive action this morning to bring the matter to a close. In the pre-dawn hours, Senator Obama led a shouting mob carrying pitchforks and flaming torches down the streets of southside Chicago to the door of Dr. Wright’s residence. Once there, the candidate stepped forward to call upon his former spiritual leader to “come forth from his lair” and “face the music.”

A sleepy Dr. Wright eventually emerged, whereupon he was seized by several campaign aides. The minister was then made fast to a telephone pole around the base of which the mob had piled gasoline-soaked sticks and newspapers. The candidate himself then stepped forward with a lit torch to set the pile ablaze.


Above: Burnings at the stake like the one depicted above were fairly
commonplace events in the Dark Ages, when religion played nearly as
prominent a role in public life as it does today.

“I apologize for having remained blind for so long to the moral danger that Jeremiah Wright posed to this nation,” a palefaced Senator Obama said at the post-auto da fe press conference, flicking some ash from the right cuff of his suit jacket. “I am now prepared to recognize that Jeremiah Wright was indeed the devil incarnate. Having seen the light, I have sought to do my moral duty by depriving Satan the use of this man as a vessel. I have also sought to do my public duty by – please, please, please – ridding this campaign of any further discussion of Reverend Wright, rest his soul. There, are you happy now?!? Now can I please get back to discussing my health care proposal?!?”

Hillary Clinton stated that she was glad to see her opponent finally rid the world of an agent of Satan. She nevertheless reiterated claims that the episode as a whole has placed in doubt Mr. Obama’s qualifications to assume the highest office in the land.

“As I have said before, I never would have chosen to join Dr. Wright’s church. But had I found myself in such a situation, it would not have taken me so long to do what my faith requires,” Senator Clinton remarked. “I would have burnt that sucker alive years ago. Without a second thought – that’s the kind of decisive leadership that America deserves.”

“What gives a member of a historically marginalized and oppressed minority the right to criticize this country?!? Need I remind all of you of my own early involvement in civil rights activism,” Senator Clinton asked. “I understand the nature of America’s racial divide, and you don’t hear me going around asking God to damn this great land!”

“Yes, sir,” Clinton continued, “make no mistake about it. I would have set him aflame long ago. And Bill, Chelsea, and I would have gathered around to roast marshmallows and sing ‘Onward, Christian Soldiers!’ and ‘The Star Spangled Banner.’ It would have been a scene straight out of a Norman Rockwell nightmare. That’s the American way! And that’s the kind of spiteful, mindless leadership that I promise the American people – provided, of course, that that’s what they want from me. I’m always happy to switch it up if necessary.”

“I am a woman of strong belief,” concluded the New York Senator. “And I believe strongly in telling the people whatever it is they want to hear.”

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